take me and lead me

- on the outlook. -

i love tp. e air e food e space e luxury of e huge library e comp lab. there's so much in tp i miss! saw gin today, so happy to see e pretty girl been so long.

some say im cold and hard to crack. i admit to having a cold exterior, i dun like feeling transparent of my feelings. i prefer to not wear my heart on my sleeves but e minus point is people wont initiate to open up to me.

i probably sucks at social skills then, but when i smile at people they think there's something up my sleeves and when i dun smile they think im stuck-up and hard to get close. im learning to live with it and shut off people's comments since they're entitled to it.

im not like hammy and qing, people feel they're harmless so they click better with strangers whereas i take probably forever to mk the person open up to me.

e part that hurts e most is e person who was once closed to me thinks so too. i cant help it if im like that, i probably dun open up enuff for ur liking, too nonchalant for ur preference. ure only one i really let down and e guilt hasnt left or lessen in these years. i care for you solely as a friend. to recall wad u've said mks me sad.

im been thinking abt it for days and it just cant get out of my mind.

met up with pearl yest, last min decision. sat by e beach, e cool air and nice music. caught up on each other's lives and our topic went way back. is it because of my cold exterior, you think im strong enough to suffer the hurt that u din hesitate to cause.

years later, im much stronger now and i've put alot of things behind and moved on. matured and able to handle matters better. but i cant forget e hurt though it's no longer pointing out whose fault.

and we talked abt kim. by some weird twist of fate, we ended up going separate ways and i cant help but tell you i miss you and e good times we had. so many years and i cant even rmb clearly wad happened back then to cause e drift. pearl went thru her stuffs that day and saw ur letters and some time back i did went thru mine too and e sudden urge was there to just tell you how much we both missed you.

we cant go back in time and make things better, we cant even turn back e clock and wish we were more mature in handling certain issues. anyhow im glad ur life is so much better now and though we're no longer friends i still wish u've a good life ahead. =)

and i've never taken any of you dear ones for granted. u all are e sparks and rainbow in my life. thankew for just being you and being there.

and may, gin and pearl im sorry i'm always cancelling our dates, i promise to make it up soon. pls bear with me kay, i love you girls.

rj, becca and grp been ages too since i saw you all. i miss the fun times.

hammy, ure e most patient person i've ever seen. u make me smile and ure so smart i wish i had ur brains. jean is forever MIA-ing but i love u all e same. more stayovers!

qing, i miss you so much. i dunoe why, it sucks to be so far away and drifted from you. never have e time to meet up and talked like we used to. i cant explain the chemistry we have and the too many similiarites we have and how we understand each other. u make me cry, laugh, get pissed off, irritated but most importantly u made me feel good abt myself and feel loved. i noe i can count on you to just be there for me. when i say 'go to hell' you know smhow it means 'i love u'. u understand e feelings i cant put words to at times and i cant tell you how much i love u for that. im sorry ure in a diff class, im sorry for the never-ending projects and the rushing datelines. but i wont stop caring for you kay, love u bitch.